Obviously I don't know what's in the final yet, so these finalists are in the order they are drawn but bear in mind that the winning semi-finalists will slot in on the night itself.
Bosnia & Herzegovina (Maria Šestic) Rijeka Bez Imena
BORING! And as it's first up on finals night it doesn't stand a chance anyway. She's a bit of a looker though, albeit at least 8 years younger than me (which rules her out doesn't it? Ha ha).
Spain (D'Nash) I Love You Mi Vida
Try and spot which one is mostly likely to come out as gay in five years time. Other than that it's a nothing song, bringing to mind that old classic by No Mercy, Where Do You Go? If the Backstreet Boys had been Spanish...well you get the idea.
Ireland (Dervish) They Can't Stop The Spring
If you were genetically modifying an Irish song then this is probably what you'd come up with. Radio 2 will love it, as will Foster And Allen no doubt.
Finland (Hanna Pakarinen) Leave Me Alone
No doubt Finland are making sure they don't win it again this year with this rather inconsequential Evanescence style track. I think they'll succeed that task with ease.
Lithuania (4Fun) Love Or Leave
It's just dull this one. Almost sends me to sleep.
Greece (Sarbel Yassou) Maria
The best way I can describe this is cut-price Ricky Martin. And lets face it, the Rickster only ever did two good songs in his entire life. It's the kind of thing though that sounds quite fun and does get you nodding your head along with it.
Sweden (The Ark) The Worrying Kind
The Sweet meet Abba. Trust the Swede's to pull it off again. You can't help getting swept along with this one, and it's the bookies favourite as well.
France (Les Fatals Picards) L'amour À La Française
Don't you just love songs that are in two different languages for no real apparent reason. Judging by the video (and it's a shame they didn't have a Keane style budget for that) this MUST be a wind-up of some kind.
Russia (Serebro) Song #1
This is the one that I was banging on about a few weeks ago. It's still brilliant. It should win, it won't. But don't let that spoil anything.
Germany (Roger Cicero) Frauen Regier'n Die Welt
Well someone's been watching his Robbie Williams swing video's hasn't he? Does he really say "Posh and Beckham" in the lyrics as well?
Ukraine (Verka Serduchka) Dancing Lasha Tumbai
Imagine a world where the idea of melding Crazy Frog and Aqua together is seen as a good idea in terms of creating contemporary pop music. Well thrown in some Baltic accordion and you've pretty much summed up what this sounds like. Need I say "avoid like the plague"?
United Kingdom (SCOOCH) Flying The Flag (For You)
Absolutely fucking terrible. For a comedy record it's completely unfunny as well. And to boot, the last time we saw that fat one who can't dance he was in the programme where they tried to pass four blokes off as a girl-band. And this is the best we could come up with? Still, the rest of Europe hates us anyway so why not take revenge by inflicting this torture on them?
Romania (TODOMONDO) Liubi, Liubi, I Love You
What is it with these Jack Johnson soundalikes these days? Mind you how can you not love a song with the lyrics "I love you is the same everywhere, even in Italy?" That's a rare genius at work there. Mind you on the night, you might by this time be suffering from accordion overload.
Armenia (Hayko) Anytime You Need
If you're a fan of those Enrique Inglesias ballads where he sings in English but with a distincly comedy accent then you are going to love this one. It's one of those songs that merely exists. It's not exciting, and it's not very good.
Showing posts with label eurovision. Show all posts
Showing posts with label eurovision. Show all posts
Friday, May 04, 2007
Thursday, May 03, 2007
Eurovision 2007 - Part I
Ok, so as promised here is the complete run-down of my opinions of the Eurovision 2007 tracks.
I'm going to split it into two parts. Part 1 will feature those tracks entered into the semi-finals whilst part 2 will round up those tracks that automatically made it into the final proper. So without further ado, here we go. And I'm not going to bother, at this stage anyway, linking to any of these tracks. If you're that bothered, you know how you can find them.
(incidentally these are in the draw order for the semi-finals)
1 Bulgaria (Elitsa Todorova & Stoyan Yankoulov) Water
This one starts off with the opening of Money For Nothing by Dire Straits before moving into a Stomp-esque drum beat and then the Al-Jazeer folk singing hits in. It's not very good but it does have a kind of addictive beat that is hard to ignore.
2 Israel (Teapacks) Push The Button
A Keith Allen look-a-like, who is just as irritating as the real thing, preaching against war and the politics of war. Terry Wogan is going to have a field day with this one. Although lets be fair about it, the Israeli people probably have more to worry about us than most of us do directly. Musically it attempts to meld punk, indie rock and a bit of UB40 style reggae into it's three minute running time. It doesn't succeed.
3 Cyprus (Evridiki) Comme Ci, Comme Ça
Well you wouldn't guess that this lady is pushing 40. She's represented Cyprus in Eurovision twice before, finishing 11th on both occasions. I doubt this is going to do much better in all honesty. It's got that Euro-disco beat that was so popular in about 1994 in the UK charts. This would have sounded out of date even back then mind you.
4 Belarus (Koldun) Work Your Magic
I did wonder when we were going to get to the first camp looking contender of the evening. I'm told Koldun won the Belarus version of Fame Academy, which should tell you all you need to know about him. As an aside, there was even a great debate in Belarus apparently about whether he was a suitable enough contender to put forward. Sonically this is an attempt at a Bond theme (its the strings) and I for one am hoping for a distinctly David Copperfield style performance on the night. To put it into perspective though, he's still a hell of lot less annoying than Mika.
5 Iceland (Eiríkur Hauksson) Valentine Lost
I'm no expert on these matters but listening to this I feel we've found Iceland's answer to Jon Bon Jovi in Eiríkur Hauksson. He promises us, or should that be warns us, that his hands "are completely free when it comes to the stage show" and that he doesn't do choreography. It's like a piss poor cover version of Bon Jovi's "Always".
6 Georgia (Sopho) Visionary Dream
This is the first ever Georgian entry. It isn't very good, but is the kind of thing that a Rachel Stevens or Sophie Ellis-Bextor could carry off reasonably well. Sopho is quite fit as well, which people who know me will realise is half the battle with these things!
7 Montenegro (Stevan Faddy) Ajde Kroči
A kind of Lordi-lite track. Made all the more funny by the fact that I obviously haven't got a clue what he's going on about. Apparently this got twice the number of votes that the runner up got in the Montenegro qualifiers. All I can say is how bad must the second place one been?
8 Switzerland (DJ Bobo) Vampires Are Alive
How can you not love a song that starts with the lyrics, "Vampires are alive, the legends have to survive, we'll never come undone, and we will be forever young"? You just know that the performance of this one is going to be worth the price of admission alone. The real story here is the fact that, and I quote, " a small percentage of fundamentalist Christians in Switzerland" have protested about this song because we all know that pretty awful euro-dance pop is the perfect way of surreptitiously encouraging occult practises...
9 Moldova (Natalia Barbu) Fight
The Gee's going to like this red-head, that much is a given. She's paying her own way to Helsinki as well. If Amy Lee came from one of the new Russian states, this is probably what she would sound like. Against my better judgement I quite like this one.
10 The Netherlands (Edsilia Rombley) On Top Of The World
Someone's been listening to Unbreak My Heart by Toni Braxton then. At least until we get to the bizarrely upbeat chorus. It's got the kind of positive message that could go down quite well at Eurovision and if I'm being honest, I've heard worse songs in the UK top 40 than this one. I can imagine the old Hilary Duff doing this one quite well.
11 Albania (Doci) Hear My Plea
The kind of earnest, moody piece that will only be enjoyable for Terry Wogan's commentary.
12 Denmark (DQ) Drama Queen
This is more like it, on some levels anyway. I mean it must be a while since we last had a tranny winning the competition mustn't it? Ok so it isn't very good at all, but it is fun. To a certain extent.
13 Croatia (Dragonfly feat. Dado Topic) Vjerujem U Ljubav
Pitiful. And just when you think it can't get any worse some low-rent version of Shakira turns up and sends it down another notch.
14 Poland (The Jet Set) Time To Party
At this point in the evening, if you were watching this on television, I'll bet you'd be thinking that "what the Eurovision song contest needs right now is an Eastern-European version of the Black Eyed Peas..." Voila! Terry Wogan won't mention this of course because he thinks Black Eyed Peas are something you'd have on bonfire night. Sod it, though, I actually like the song.
15 Serbia (Marija Šerifovic) Molitva
Serbia's answer to Tracy Thron, Marija, treats us to an epic power ballad. A power ballad that all of a sudden goes all Enya on us. You'll probably need a piss-break by this point anyway.
16 Czech Republic (Kabat) Malá Dáma
Apart from the fact that it's obviously not sung in English, this is the kind of song I could quite imagine Snow Patrol doing a decent fist of, if they weren't so boring of course. Of course in reality this is little more than the Czech's seeing last year's winners and thinking "we should do something like that."
17 Portugal (Sabrina) Dança Comigo
Remember when you went on holiday's with your parents when you were young to Spain or France and you'd be in some dodgy market (with flies all over the pies) and there would be a music stall and they would be playing some summery pop tune which you'd think was quite good. So you bought the CD, got it home and promptly never listened to it again? This is the 2007 equivalent. Still, I'd do her!
18 FYR Macedonia (Karolina) Mojot Svet
I'm certainly going to have to make sure I catch this portion of the show. Karolina is a bit fit. And the song is as good as a ballad sung in a language I don't understand is going to get.
19 Norway (Guri Schanke) Ven A Bailar Conmigo
If I was being cruel I'd say this is another one for Gee. Being as Guri Schanke looks as if she's in her 60's. Apparently this is a big hit in the gay bars of Oslo. It's the kind of song that Emma Bunton would probably think was cutting edge pop. To me it just sounded like the kind of song that should either be the theme music for a game show or the National Lottery Draw.
20 Malta (Olivia Lewis) Vertigo
Shit song in all honesty, but Oliva does have a blog that makes me smile. So I hope she does at least do better than Malta did last year (which lets face it won't be all that difficult).
21 Andorra (Anonymous) Salvem El Món
No that's not to say that the people behind this wish to remain anonymous, that's the name of the band. Who appear to be Andorra's answer to Busted. Or Son Of Dork more likely. This kind of thing never does well at Eurovision, I can't see this bucking the trend.
22 Hungary (Magdi Ruzsa) Unsubstantial Blues
As the title of the song may suggest, this is a bluesy, Norah Jones or Katie Melua style song and is actually relatively good. She's not exactly unpleasant to look at either. I've heard a lot worse in the name of female singer-songwriting.
23 Estonia (Gerli Padar) Partners In Crime
Pink is alive and well and masquerading as Estonia's entry to the Eurovision contest. A decent song but she scares the life out of me. I would not want to meet this woman in a dark alleyway late at night.
24 Belgium (The KMG's) LovePower
That's the Krazy Mess Groover's to you and me. Starts off like Take That's Everything Changes and then all of a sudden becomes a disco stomper. Imagine trying to create a euro-continental version of the Scissor Sisters and you've pretty much got the idea about this one.
25 Slovenia (Alenka Gotar) Cvet Z Juga
One of those moments where every year you think "what the hell is this?" Having attractive backing singers can only take you so far I'm afraid.
26 Turkey (Kenan Dogulu) Shake It Up Shekerim
Is it just me or does this have a slight "Timbaland meets Reel 2 Real" vibe? And indeed, as a slightly "rap" tinged song, it's a hell of a lot better than Daz Simpson.
27 Austria (Eric Papilaya) Get A Life - Get Alive
This is the Paulo Nutini/James Morrison part of the evening. With a bit of Bon Jovi thrown in again. Not very good.
28 Latvia (Bonaparti.Lv) Questa Notte
Who would have thought that Il Divo and G4 could sink so low? Anyway, as crap as the song is, there was something strangely entertaining and humorous about their performance of this to get through, so it's worth a laugh if nothing else.
I'm going to split it into two parts. Part 1 will feature those tracks entered into the semi-finals whilst part 2 will round up those tracks that automatically made it into the final proper. So without further ado, here we go. And I'm not going to bother, at this stage anyway, linking to any of these tracks. If you're that bothered, you know how you can find them.
(incidentally these are in the draw order for the semi-finals)
1 Bulgaria (Elitsa Todorova & Stoyan Yankoulov) Water
This one starts off with the opening of Money For Nothing by Dire Straits before moving into a Stomp-esque drum beat and then the Al-Jazeer folk singing hits in. It's not very good but it does have a kind of addictive beat that is hard to ignore.
2 Israel (Teapacks) Push The Button
A Keith Allen look-a-like, who is just as irritating as the real thing, preaching against war and the politics of war. Terry Wogan is going to have a field day with this one. Although lets be fair about it, the Israeli people probably have more to worry about us than most of us do directly. Musically it attempts to meld punk, indie rock and a bit of UB40 style reggae into it's three minute running time. It doesn't succeed.
3 Cyprus (Evridiki) Comme Ci, Comme Ça
Well you wouldn't guess that this lady is pushing 40. She's represented Cyprus in Eurovision twice before, finishing 11th on both occasions. I doubt this is going to do much better in all honesty. It's got that Euro-disco beat that was so popular in about 1994 in the UK charts. This would have sounded out of date even back then mind you.
4 Belarus (Koldun) Work Your Magic
I did wonder when we were going to get to the first camp looking contender of the evening. I'm told Koldun won the Belarus version of Fame Academy, which should tell you all you need to know about him. As an aside, there was even a great debate in Belarus apparently about whether he was a suitable enough contender to put forward. Sonically this is an attempt at a Bond theme (its the strings) and I for one am hoping for a distinctly David Copperfield style performance on the night. To put it into perspective though, he's still a hell of lot less annoying than Mika.
5 Iceland (Eiríkur Hauksson) Valentine Lost
I'm no expert on these matters but listening to this I feel we've found Iceland's answer to Jon Bon Jovi in Eiríkur Hauksson. He promises us, or should that be warns us, that his hands "are completely free when it comes to the stage show" and that he doesn't do choreography. It's like a piss poor cover version of Bon Jovi's "Always".
6 Georgia (Sopho) Visionary Dream
This is the first ever Georgian entry. It isn't very good, but is the kind of thing that a Rachel Stevens or Sophie Ellis-Bextor could carry off reasonably well. Sopho is quite fit as well, which people who know me will realise is half the battle with these things!
7 Montenegro (Stevan Faddy) Ajde Kroči
A kind of Lordi-lite track. Made all the more funny by the fact that I obviously haven't got a clue what he's going on about. Apparently this got twice the number of votes that the runner up got in the Montenegro qualifiers. All I can say is how bad must the second place one been?
8 Switzerland (DJ Bobo) Vampires Are Alive
How can you not love a song that starts with the lyrics, "Vampires are alive, the legends have to survive, we'll never come undone, and we will be forever young"? You just know that the performance of this one is going to be worth the price of admission alone. The real story here is the fact that, and I quote, " a small percentage of fundamentalist Christians in Switzerland" have protested about this song because we all know that pretty awful euro-dance pop is the perfect way of surreptitiously encouraging occult practises...
9 Moldova (Natalia Barbu) Fight
The Gee's going to like this red-head, that much is a given. She's paying her own way to Helsinki as well. If Amy Lee came from one of the new Russian states, this is probably what she would sound like. Against my better judgement I quite like this one.
10 The Netherlands (Edsilia Rombley) On Top Of The World
Someone's been listening to Unbreak My Heart by Toni Braxton then. At least until we get to the bizarrely upbeat chorus. It's got the kind of positive message that could go down quite well at Eurovision and if I'm being honest, I've heard worse songs in the UK top 40 than this one. I can imagine the old Hilary Duff doing this one quite well.
11 Albania (Doci) Hear My Plea
The kind of earnest, moody piece that will only be enjoyable for Terry Wogan's commentary.
12 Denmark (DQ) Drama Queen
This is more like it, on some levels anyway. I mean it must be a while since we last had a tranny winning the competition mustn't it? Ok so it isn't very good at all, but it is fun. To a certain extent.
13 Croatia (Dragonfly feat. Dado Topic) Vjerujem U Ljubav
Pitiful. And just when you think it can't get any worse some low-rent version of Shakira turns up and sends it down another notch.
14 Poland (The Jet Set) Time To Party
At this point in the evening, if you were watching this on television, I'll bet you'd be thinking that "what the Eurovision song contest needs right now is an Eastern-European version of the Black Eyed Peas..." Voila! Terry Wogan won't mention this of course because he thinks Black Eyed Peas are something you'd have on bonfire night. Sod it, though, I actually like the song.
15 Serbia (Marija Šerifovic) Molitva
Serbia's answer to Tracy Thron, Marija, treats us to an epic power ballad. A power ballad that all of a sudden goes all Enya on us. You'll probably need a piss-break by this point anyway.
16 Czech Republic (Kabat) Malá Dáma
Apart from the fact that it's obviously not sung in English, this is the kind of song I could quite imagine Snow Patrol doing a decent fist of, if they weren't so boring of course. Of course in reality this is little more than the Czech's seeing last year's winners and thinking "we should do something like that."
17 Portugal (Sabrina) Dança Comigo
Remember when you went on holiday's with your parents when you were young to Spain or France and you'd be in some dodgy market (with flies all over the pies) and there would be a music stall and they would be playing some summery pop tune which you'd think was quite good. So you bought the CD, got it home and promptly never listened to it again? This is the 2007 equivalent. Still, I'd do her!
18 FYR Macedonia (Karolina) Mojot Svet
I'm certainly going to have to make sure I catch this portion of the show. Karolina is a bit fit. And the song is as good as a ballad sung in a language I don't understand is going to get.
19 Norway (Guri Schanke) Ven A Bailar Conmigo
If I was being cruel I'd say this is another one for Gee. Being as Guri Schanke looks as if she's in her 60's. Apparently this is a big hit in the gay bars of Oslo. It's the kind of song that Emma Bunton would probably think was cutting edge pop. To me it just sounded like the kind of song that should either be the theme music for a game show or the National Lottery Draw.
20 Malta (Olivia Lewis) Vertigo
Shit song in all honesty, but Oliva does have a blog that makes me smile. So I hope she does at least do better than Malta did last year (which lets face it won't be all that difficult).
21 Andorra (Anonymous) Salvem El Món
No that's not to say that the people behind this wish to remain anonymous, that's the name of the band. Who appear to be Andorra's answer to Busted. Or Son Of Dork more likely. This kind of thing never does well at Eurovision, I can't see this bucking the trend.
22 Hungary (Magdi Ruzsa) Unsubstantial Blues
As the title of the song may suggest, this is a bluesy, Norah Jones or Katie Melua style song and is actually relatively good. She's not exactly unpleasant to look at either. I've heard a lot worse in the name of female singer-songwriting.
23 Estonia (Gerli Padar) Partners In Crime
Pink is alive and well and masquerading as Estonia's entry to the Eurovision contest. A decent song but she scares the life out of me. I would not want to meet this woman in a dark alleyway late at night.
24 Belgium (The KMG's) LovePower
That's the Krazy Mess Groover's to you and me. Starts off like Take That's Everything Changes and then all of a sudden becomes a disco stomper. Imagine trying to create a euro-continental version of the Scissor Sisters and you've pretty much got the idea about this one.
25 Slovenia (Alenka Gotar) Cvet Z Juga
One of those moments where every year you think "what the hell is this?" Having attractive backing singers can only take you so far I'm afraid.
26 Turkey (Kenan Dogulu) Shake It Up Shekerim
Is it just me or does this have a slight "Timbaland meets Reel 2 Real" vibe? And indeed, as a slightly "rap" tinged song, it's a hell of a lot better than Daz Simpson.
27 Austria (Eric Papilaya) Get A Life - Get Alive
This is the Paulo Nutini/James Morrison part of the evening. With a bit of Bon Jovi thrown in again. Not very good.
28 Latvia (Bonaparti.Lv) Questa Notte
Who would have thought that Il Divo and G4 could sink so low? Anyway, as crap as the song is, there was something strangely entertaining and humorous about their performance of this to get through, so it's worth a laugh if nothing else.
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Serebro - Song #1
There's a new video for this Eurovision classic.
They haven't exactly got any uglier have they?
Thanks to jief75
They haven't exactly got any uglier have they?
Thanks to jief75
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Serebro - Song #1
This is class. I didn't really want to copy Popjustice, but this is too good not to post.
Ok, it can take quite a while to load and, quite frankly, I could do without the J-Lo style dance interlude that clocks in with about 45 seconds to go, but I repeat, this is class.
We need more popstars with their hands in their pocket.
In due course I'll be doing a big Eurovision piece, but this should tide you over for now.
I mean just imagine if that Shakira/Beyonce track was even half as good as this!
Lyrics;
composed by Maxim Fadeev, lyrics by Daniil Babichev
It’s a dirty money track, Yeah,
Girls kick the flow!
Listen to me
All my girls get ready
We’ll make it easy
When I catch you picking me
You better get a chill
Boy you wanna take on me
Cuz I’m your killing pill
Can’t you see the way I move
My dress my flashy skin
Listen up you know I got
The place you’ve never been
Slow down
Boy you don’t wanna let me down
You better stop you know what!
Oh! Don’t call me funny bunny
I’ll blow your money money
I’ll get you to my bad ass
Spinning for you
Oh! I’ll make it easy honey
I’ll take your money yummy
I’ve got my bitches
Standing up next to me
So come and check it
So come and check it
So come and check it
My bad ass spinning for you (2x)
Watch out!
Keep on taking over you
It’s kinda getting free
Baby boy you know I still
Got sexy freak in me
Gotta tease you nasty guy
So take it don’t be shy
Put your cherry on my cake
And taste my cherry pie
Maybe I’ll take you
With me tonight
Maybe you’ll show me another way
And find a reason for me to stay
But something I must tell you!
Feel my vibration
Get it!
If that's not worthy of praise, I don't know what is.
Ok, it can take quite a while to load and, quite frankly, I could do without the J-Lo style dance interlude that clocks in with about 45 seconds to go, but I repeat, this is class.
We need more popstars with their hands in their pocket.
In due course I'll be doing a big Eurovision piece, but this should tide you over for now.
I mean just imagine if that Shakira/Beyonce track was even half as good as this!
Lyrics;
composed by Maxim Fadeev, lyrics by Daniil Babichev
It’s a dirty money track, Yeah,
Girls kick the flow!
Listen to me
All my girls get ready
We’ll make it easy
When I catch you picking me
You better get a chill
Boy you wanna take on me
Cuz I’m your killing pill
Can’t you see the way I move
My dress my flashy skin
Listen up you know I got
The place you’ve never been
Slow down
Boy you don’t wanna let me down
You better stop you know what!
Oh! Don’t call me funny bunny
I’ll blow your money money
I’ll get you to my bad ass
Spinning for you
Oh! I’ll make it easy honey
I’ll take your money yummy
I’ve got my bitches
Standing up next to me
So come and check it
So come and check it
So come and check it
My bad ass spinning for you (2x)
Watch out!
Keep on taking over you
It’s kinda getting free
Baby boy you know I still
Got sexy freak in me
Gotta tease you nasty guy
So take it don’t be shy
Put your cherry on my cake
And taste my cherry pie
Maybe I’ll take you
With me tonight
Maybe you’ll show me another way
And find a reason for me to stay
But something I must tell you!
Feel my vibration
Get it!
If that's not worthy of praise, I don't know what is.
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Eurovision 2007
The less said about Scooch the better .
But hear me now...
Serebro (they've replaced Girls Aloud as my pic) have got the Russian entry. And their "Song #1" is rather good.
They will win.
Or probably not. But it's great anyway. I just hope that they don't turn out to be men or something. (I have my doubts about the one on the right of the picture ;-D)
But hear me now...
Serebro (they've replaced Girls Aloud as my pic) have got the Russian entry. And their "Song #1" is rather good.
They will win.
Or probably not. But it's great anyway. I just hope that they don't turn out to be men or something. (I have my doubts about the one on the right of the picture ;-D)
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