Obviously I don't know what's in the final yet, so these finalists are in the order they are drawn but bear in mind that the winning semi-finalists will slot in on the night itself.
Bosnia & Herzegovina (Maria Šestic) Rijeka Bez Imena
BORING! And as it's first up on finals night it doesn't stand a chance anyway. She's a bit of a looker though, albeit at least 8 years younger than me (which rules her out doesn't it? Ha ha).
Spain (D'Nash) I Love You Mi Vida
Try and spot which one is mostly likely to come out as gay in five years time. Other than that it's a nothing song, bringing to mind that old classic by No Mercy, Where Do You Go? If the Backstreet Boys had been Spanish...well you get the idea.
Ireland (Dervish) They Can't Stop The Spring
If you were genetically modifying an Irish song then this is probably what you'd come up with. Radio 2 will love it, as will Foster And Allen no doubt.
Finland (Hanna Pakarinen) Leave Me Alone
No doubt Finland are making sure they don't win it again this year with this rather inconsequential Evanescence style track. I think they'll succeed that task with ease.
Lithuania (4Fun) Love Or Leave
It's just dull this one. Almost sends me to sleep.
Greece (Sarbel Yassou) Maria
The best way I can describe this is cut-price Ricky Martin. And lets face it, the Rickster only ever did two good songs in his entire life. It's the kind of thing though that sounds quite fun and does get you nodding your head along with it.
Sweden (The Ark) The Worrying Kind
The Sweet meet Abba. Trust the Swede's to pull it off again. You can't help getting swept along with this one, and it's the bookies favourite as well.
France (Les Fatals Picards) L'amour À La Française
Don't you just love songs that are in two different languages for no real apparent reason. Judging by the video (and it's a shame they didn't have a Keane style budget for that) this MUST be a wind-up of some kind.
Russia (Serebro) Song #1
This is the one that I was banging on about a few weeks ago. It's still brilliant. It should win, it won't. But don't let that spoil anything.
Germany (Roger Cicero) Frauen Regier'n Die Welt
Well someone's been watching his Robbie Williams swing video's hasn't he? Does he really say "Posh and Beckham" in the lyrics as well?
Ukraine (Verka Serduchka) Dancing Lasha Tumbai
Imagine a world where the idea of melding Crazy Frog and Aqua together is seen as a good idea in terms of creating contemporary pop music. Well thrown in some Baltic accordion and you've pretty much summed up what this sounds like. Need I say "avoid like the plague"?
United Kingdom (SCOOCH) Flying The Flag (For You)
Absolutely fucking terrible. For a comedy record it's completely unfunny as well. And to boot, the last time we saw that fat one who can't dance he was in the programme where they tried to pass four blokes off as a girl-band. And this is the best we could come up with? Still, the rest of Europe hates us anyway so why not take revenge by inflicting this torture on them?
Romania (TODOMONDO) Liubi, Liubi, I Love You
What is it with these Jack Johnson soundalikes these days? Mind you how can you not love a song with the lyrics "I love you is the same everywhere, even in Italy?" That's a rare genius at work there. Mind you on the night, you might by this time be suffering from accordion overload.
Armenia (Hayko) Anytime You Need
If you're a fan of those Enrique Inglesias ballads where he sings in English but with a distincly comedy accent then you are going to love this one. It's one of those songs that merely exists. It's not exciting, and it's not very good.