Pictures - Katie Melua

I tolerate Katie Melua. Mainly because young Dave is quite keen on her and whilst she's hardly at the cutting edge of musical invention, she's a pleasant enough girl with a decent voice. If that seems like I'm damning her with faint praise, you might be right.

But it's not her fault. I can attest to that 100%. It's all Mike "Fucking" Batt's fault. The guy is a grade A knob-head. I went to a Katie Melua concert once, but half of it was taken up with his unfunny anecdotes and stories. Yes Mike, we know you wrote the bloody Wombles song.

And he writes all her lyrics.

So we get gems like "Douglas Fairbanks wore a moustache, must have had "much cash" too". And thus, less than 30 seconds in to this album we have already reached a low point from which there is no hope of return.

Simply put, the melodies are lilting enough to woo the Radio 2 crowd but anyone who takes more than a cursory glance at the lyrics is going to be in pain for days. There is quite literally nothing on this album that I'll be listening to ever again.