Single Releases 06/11/06

How appropriate that the day after Girls Aloud hit number one in the album charts, their close rivals the Sugababes and All Saints release singles...

The 'Babes hit us with Easy, which if I'm being honest is a bit dull. It sort of kicks into life about two minutes in mind you, but that's not quite enough to save it. Especially as they dance in toilets in the video. TOILETS! And that's before we get to the lyrics, which are so sexed up that you can guarantee there would be a three page story in the Daily Mail if GA were to release something like it. Anyway, the girls can do better.

All Saints on the other hand probably can't do better than the pretty poor Rocksteady. You see if they'd stayed split up they might have forever been remembered as the girl band it was "cool" and "ok" to like. Sadly by coming back, and with such a poor song to boot, they've exposed the myth that surrounded them. Although thinking about it, their solo "careers" pretty much did that job too didn't it? Ah well, cringe-worthy stints on reality shows await...oh wait...some of them have already done that as well haven't they?

Both of those songs however beat the living hell out of the latest Westlife effort. But then what else would you expect. The housewives will love it.

Madonna on the other hand unleashes Jump, an upbeat little ditty about adopting a child from a third world country. No wait, it's just a straightforward pop song. Much like the rest of the "Confessions" album though, it suffers in isolation from the album as a whole, but gains some ground for the blatant "West End Girls" opening.

This week also sees Bono once again avoiding taxes whilst simultaneously telling the rest of us that we don't do enough to stave off world poverty. It's ok though Bono because I'm following your advice and next week I'm nipping into the studio in between facial wax treatments to murder an old song in the name of charity. Bono has roped in Green Day to join his U2 buddies for The Saints Are Coming, which should help their profile with the young kids no end. Listen peeps, do me a favour. I'm all for helping the victims of Hurricane Katrina, so instead of pandering to Bono's ego and buying this as a means of raising some money donate the equivalent to Red Cross or something of that nature.

And having annoyed the majority of U2 fans with that, I shall now endeavour to rub salt into the wound by saying that Paris Hilton's new single, Nothing In The World is quite good. Sure, she has little talent, but that's secondary. It's a good tune and one that would send the whole world wild if sung by Kylie.

Avoid at all costs though the Poundstretcher Paris, Michelle Marsh, and her dreadful song I Don't Do. I Don't Do A Musical Career For Much Longer more like it.

And I'll tell you how bad that Michelle Marsh single is...it makes Infernal's Self Control seem awesome. Although lets face it, Laura Branigan's original is a great song. I've got the 7" vinyl of that somewhere.

Finally we come to two band who's critical acclaim leaves me somewhat nonplussed, Kasabian and Gnarls Barkley.

Who Cares/Gone Daddy Gone is a double effort from the Gnarls, and as you might expect neither song comes close to matching Crazy.

Mind you, at least GB did one good song; Kasabian, to me, just sound like the biggest load of old nonsense. Shoot The Runner is no exception, but there will be thousands out there who love it.

Lucie Silvas makes her long awaited return this week as well, with Last Year. She might well hark back to last year because that was as good as it gets for Silvas I fear. It's a perfectly pleasant tune, but can you really see it being a smash hit? Not really.

We end this week with perhaps the scariest amalgamation we've ever seen...George Michael and Mutya Buena with This Is Not Real Love. And thank the christ it's not. I mean can you imagine what sort of offspring they would produce if they did the nasty?